pre-treatment F**kit list update!

when i started this blog about 8 months after my diagnosis, my first post was my f*ckit that i’m about to start treatment, i wanted to look back and see how far i’d gotten. i was able to avoid a stem cell transplant a year ago and that bought me some time we really took advantage of. here’s the updates on 6 out of 15! not bad! and working on a few that i can’t quite check off yet… you can see, i’ve been pretty busy living!


2. Go to the ocean before my stem cell transplant. After your stem cell transplant you aren’t allowed to go to the ocean or a pool for sometime. There are many people I know who after receiving their SCT continue on treatment that prevents them from going in the ocean for the forseeable future. To me, this is the one of the hugest sacrifices I can imagine since the ocean is my solace, and has always been the place where I am at peace. I don’t see how it’s possible to make this happen right now, but I’m still hoping.

here is our visit to the homeland. the only beach i really care about. so lucky to be able to enjoy that!



3. Live in a little cottage somewhere for at least 2 weeks but in my fantasies.. 6 months :), where my little one can run free and plant in the ground, explore nature, build things with a hammer and scream and sing to her hearts delight without being admonished by any nearby adults. And her Daddy can putter around and and rock in a chair in his natural state of calm. This seems like an impossible dream right now. But it is definitely up there on my wishlist.

we spent 10 days in a bucolic enclave of seattle visiting one of my oldest and dearest friends and her beautiful family. my girl spent nearly day and night on a tree swing in a backyard, and being away from the city was truly a treat!



4. Visit family in Israel before my SCT. SCT might prevent me from being able to travel internationally for sometime. Even when I am able, I might be limited in what I can do. Especially on such a long flight. Maybe 3 & 4 should be merged together. We all need to see our Saba and Safta and brother Jei and aunts and uncles and 25 cousins, most of all Daddy and Elle, to feel some family love before embarking on this journey.

we went to Israel TWICE!!! we even got to join the entire family on a 4 day vacation. it was amazing!



5. My daughter is fascinated with the job Mommy had in the music business before I quit to focus on family. She sometimes hears me on the phone consulting with certain musicians, but everything I have done since she was born is so low-key. She has a dream that she can be with Mommy backstage at a concert like I used to do. I would love her to have a memory of Mommy in a more vibrant setting before I am in the hospital for weeks.

thanks to a very dear friend and former client, Sam Kling, we were invited to the SESAC Pop Awards! my girl got to walk the red carpet and by chance my little one was introduced to Daniel Glass who explained to her that her mommy had made him famous! that was an unforgettable evening for us both and i will never be able to thank Sam enough for such an incredible gift!



11. Do a photo shoot of me and the family before I’m on steroids and chemo everyday for the rest of my life 🙂 Not to mention, before I need to start coloring the gray out of my hair!

We did it! Pics not included 😉 


14. A big night out with music and friends for my 50th!

My amazing husband and friends planned a surprise party to celebrate my big birthday! It was so amazing and I was incredibly overwhelmed!


Thank you to my family and friends who made all of this possible!

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